Category Archives: Musings

Hopefully a little more thought-out than the ramblings.

Moral Issues

Judgemental or good judgement?

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Please accept my apology. This apology is somewhat late in coming, and simultaneously given in advance. In my past blog articles, I have touched on topics that some may consider to be slightly offensive, and it is certainly my intention to continue that trend in the future.

Do I desire to be offensive? Certainly not. Am I judging you or anyone else? God forbid. In all seriousness, I see the danger of becoming judgemental in my writing, and especially in my own thoughts, and it is my fervent prayer that I be prevented from this danger, through both my own diligence and through divine intervention when my diligence fails me.

That being said, I have no intention of pulling any punches in my writing. I have very strong opinions about certain topics, and I feel compelled to share these opinions. I will pull no punches, but please know that you, dear reader, are not my target. Instead, I have my sights set squarely on good judgement. One of my goals in writing this blog is to demonstrate how I have applied the concepts of wisdom and good judgement in my own life, so that you may potentially apply similar concepts in yours.

If you follow my example and seek good judgement, I am well aware that it may lead you to very different conclusions from those that I have arrived at. Let me assert authoritatively, it is both possible and good for two people to have differing opinions on a topic without being judgemental toward each other.

Here’s the catch. Good judgement is personal. It is almost always situational. I am convinced that there are hard and fast precepts of morality that can be applied in any situation, and that one of those precepts is to always, unconditionally love your neighbor as yourself. However I am equally convinced that I am not always the most adept at applying those precepts in every single situation in even my own life. So I claim no right to attempt to judge any decisions you have made, or will make.

Now, given my opening apology, and my sincere promise to avoid becoming judgemental, there is still an onus on you, the reader, to attempt not to be offended. Assuming that I am meeting my stated goals of demonstrating good judgement, and of avoiding a judgemental attitude, there is still the danger of offense. Take, for example, my recent essay on drinking alcohol. I was very careful, when writing this article, to avoid any language that could be misconstrued as condemning an opposing viewpoint. And yet there are those who, when faced with a well-thought-out argument that is in direct opposition to their own opinion, will inevitably respond with the emotion of offense.

Let me stress that this is your own emotional response, and I divest myself here and now of any responsibility for it. This very statement may be offensive to some, but for this I do not apologize. I have the capability to do the following:

  • Demonstrate good judgement in my own life.
  • Coach others in the techniques required to acquire and practice good judgement.
  • Avoid judging other people.

I do not have the capability to prevent you from becoming offended. I assert that in all situations, offense is either a voluntary reaction or an involuntary but learned reaction, and that the emotional response of being offended can always be avoided and / or unlearned by the offendee. This is clouded by the fact that the offender can almost always avoid actions that cause offense. Since I have the theoretical capability to avoid offense, should potentially offensive actions or words be universally avoided? Absolutely not.

This is a path of folly, and I have no intention of attempting it. I refuse to tiptoe through life with the goal of anticipating and avoiding every topic that may potentially offend. Instead, I will attempt to think, to live, and to write with conscientious integrity, and to avoid judging others by always assuming that they are trying to do the same. Please try not to be offended as I do so.

– danBhentschel

All Things Dad, Ramblings

The origin of the stupid rule

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This morning, I was contemplating stupid rules and how they come about. There’s some pretty bizarre laws on record in the state of New York. Here are some that I enjoyed:

  • Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 P.M.
  • A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket.
  • While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door.
  • A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.

Please note that I made no effort whatsoever to verify that these actually are law. I am well aware that I may be spreading misinformation, and in the likely event that I am, I apologize.

Disclaimer aside, stupid rules actually do exist all over the world. Even in my own house, I have some pretty stupid rules. They all stem from a desire to maintain the kind of order that Marlene and I feel is appropriate and necessary. Here are some interesting examples that I was reminded of while getting ready for work this morning.

Children may not talk while in timeout

On the surface, this may sound good and innocuous. It originates from some very real problems:

  • Loud complaints about the reasons for, or enforcers of, the timeout
  • Verbal play with other children while in timeout
  • Constant pleas to be removed from timeout

However, there are some logistical problems with this rule:

  • What if there is an emergency?
  • What if the child needs to go to the bathroom?

Marlene and I have made the decision that the number and variety of exceptions to this rule are too many, and could pose confusion for a 2 to 5-year-old who is (presumably) trying to comply with the rule. More likely they are trying desperately to find loopholes in the rule.

Regardless, the easiest thing for all involved is to enforce the rule that absolutely no talking of any kind is permitted in timeout. If this strict ruling backfires, for example if a child really does need to go to the bathroom and pees all over the floor, Marlene and I will deal with the fallout. The downside this morning was that Jasmin was not allowed to say “goodbye” to me when I left for work, because she was in timeout and could not talk to me.

Jacob, specifically, is not allowed to anticipate his parents’ desires

Jacob has a real problem with just doing what he thinks is the right thing, regardless of instructions. This is a consistent, repeated, longstanding pattern throughout his life. Couple this with a very strong tendency to misunderstand and misinterpret situations, and it’s a recipe for disaster. Let me tell you authoritatively, disaster happens with distressing regularity.

For this reason, Jacob is reminded again and again, “Do what I told you to do, and not what you think you should be doing.” It’s a very strange message. Do I want my son to grow to be a mindless puppet who blindly follows the direction of authority? Absolutely not. But he must learn obedience before he learns the much more complex topic of when it is right and good to disobey. Here’s a hint kiddo… it’s actually right and good to disobey far less frequently than you seem to think it is. Jacob is still far from mastering the obedience lesson.

The fallout from this rule today? Jacob was helping me pack my lunch for work, and I very specifically cautioned him, “Bring me exactly the foods that I ask you for. I don’t want you to bring me everything in the refrigerator just because you think it might make a good lunch food.” Well, at one point, I sent Jacob to get me tomatoes, and he came back with tomatoes and grapes. His reasoning: “Dad, I assume you want grapes for lunch today too.”

In this instance, he was correct! I had seriously considered having grapes for lunch, and very well might have asked him to get them for me next. So how did I respond? I told Jacob that he was correct, and I did want grapes, but that he specifically disobeyed my instructions, and if it were to happen again in the future, I would not allow him to help me pack my lunch any more.

If any child mentions cows or mooing while singing “Happy Birthday”, that child will not get any birthday cake

This is the rule that got me thinking along these lines today. Jacob was playing “Happy Birthday” as part of his piano practice time, and was singing along with his playing, as he sometimes has a tendency to do. While listening to him, I was reminded of this rule.

For the last few years, the children have enjoyed adding the phrase “Cows go moo!” to the words of the “Happy Birthday” song whenever we sing it at a birthday party. It seems that each time, their ad-libbing gets more and more exaggerated. At the end of last year, at Jacob’s birthday party, the mooing and giggling were so intense that I couldn’t even hear any singing over the cacophony. Hence the rule.

So far, no child has broken this particular rule, despite its stupidity. I guess the consequences are pretty dire indeed.

– danBhentschel